Why emotional intelligence, not IQ, makes or breaks leaders
Why emotional intelligence, not IQ, makes or breaks leaders
By Michel Koopman | Published: 2025-10-21 10:47:00 | Source: Fast Company – leadership-2
Not long ago, one of our coaching clients called us in a panic. His team was floundering, his peers were keeping their distance, and the feedback from HR was… . . No glowing. He was confused. “I’m multiplying numbers,” he said. “What else do they want from me?”
We’ve had this conversation more times than we can count, and here’s what we’ve learned: Leaders rarely fail because they lack intelligence, but because they lack intelligence. passionate intelligence. Emotional gaps are what destroy egos, stall progress, and erode confidence until there’s nothing left to stand on.
research This supports: High emotional intelligence in leaders is associated with stronger team communication, performance, and innovation, while environments with low emotional intelligence see more burnout, conflict, and employee turnover.
The good news? Emotional intelligence is a muscle that you can strengthen with feedback and practice. Here’s how:
1. Think about your impact
You can’t improve what you don’t notice. Self-awareness is not only about identifying your strengths, it is also about recognizing your influence. Harvard Business Publishing Reports indicate that 56% of employees say their direct supervisor displays self-awareness, meaning nearly half of leaders may not be aware of how to approach them.
When a team doesn’t respond the way you expect, something in your approach may need to be adjusted. The question becomes: Are your intentions aligned with your impact?
One executive we coached realized that his “high standards” came across as micromanagement. Once he saw that, he was able to shift from scrutinizing details to building trust. The procedure here is simple, but not easy: Ask for feedback. Reflect without being defensive. Don’t just think about what you do, but how you do it.
Most executives avoid feedback because they are afraid of what they will hear. But pretending that you already know how people see you is the quickest way to lose their trust. In leadership, perception is reality, and you can’t ignore it.
2. Press the pause button before answering
When stress rises, so do reactions. This is where self-regulation comes into play, i.e. the ability to manage your emotions before they control you.
One emotional outburst can undo months of good faith. People will forget your PowerPoint. They will never forget what it felt like to be on the receiving end of your anger. Emotional intelligence is not about suppressing emotions, but about harnessing them in a way that requires respect rather than fear.
We have trained leaders who take pride in being “straight shooters.” But there is a difference between honesty and emotional outburst. One agent told us, after a tense leadership meeting, that he “exploded because no one seemed to care.” As for the repercussions? Silence from his peers for several days. Through practice, he learned how to spot his triggers and pause. Sometimes that meant walking away for five minutes. Sometimes that meant writing the email, then deleting it. Over time, he rewired his instincts from reaction to response.
3. Replace resistance with adaptability
Change is hard. But adaptability is a hallmark of emotionally intelligent leadership. One leader we worked with described herself as “decisive and wrong.” This mistake became clear when her team avoided making decisions, fearing their lack of flexibility. What changed her mindset was her honest feedback about how her inertia was getting in the way of innovation.
Adaptive leaders adjust their strategies as new information emerges. This means listening more than speaking, asking better questions, and being open to different ways of getting there.
Executives often associate adaptability with weakness, but the truth is that toughness is what makes leaders fragile. In a world where market shifts and disruptions have become the norm, adaptability is key to survival. And your team is watching closely. If you resist change, they will resist you.
4. Lead with empathy to build authentic connection
Empathy is not a weakness. It’s strategic, ranking second only to integrity as the most valuable leadership trait, according to a Harvard Business Publishing report. However, only 58% of employees say their manager consistently shows empathy, leaving a gap between what teams need and what they get.
When you tune in to what others are feeling and respond honestly, you create the conditions for motivation, creativity, and collaboration. One executive we coached led a team through an extensive reorganization. Technically, I handled it well. But it wasn’t until she started validating her feelings emotionally — asking people how they were really feeling and making room for honesty — that engagement began to pick up.
Many executives fear that showing empathy may make them appear “soft.” But who would you rather follow in a situation of uncertainty – a leader who makes you feel invisible, or a leader who makes you feel human?
5. Use relationships to influence
Some leaders influence with data. Others communicate through stories. Better to do both. They know when to persuade with logic, when to listen with empathy, and when to lead with conviction.
We have seen leaders transform simply by becoming better at resolving conflicts, and by learning how to address issues head-on with respect rather than avoidance. Others learned how to mobilize a cross-functional team by truly valuing diverse inputs rather than tolerating them.
This is the quality of leadership we often miss: relationships are currency. Ignore them, and your political capital will evaporate. Nurture them, and you’ll gain impact that outlasts any quarterly measure. This starts with relational intelligence – reading the room, adjusting your style, and showing others how important they are.
Bottom line? In today’s climate, emotional intelligence is not an “extra skill.” It’s the difference between leaders who survive and leaders who truly transform organizations. Ignore it, and you will reach a plateau. Embrace it, and you’ll leave a legacy.
The early deadline for Fast Company’s World Changing Ideas Awards is Friday, November 14, at 11:59 PM PT. Apply today.
(Tags for translation) Emotional Intelligence
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