How therapy turned me into the manager I always wanted to be
By The Only Black Guy in the Office | Published: 2025-10-29 10:00:00 | Source: Fast Company – leadership
The first time I sat on my therapist’s couch, I tried to learn the basics. “Yes, parenting, romance, family, social life—it’s all important. But I entered that dimly lit space to vent about the place that devours a third of my waking life. I was there to talk about the office.”
The physical location wasn’t the issue; Office snacks were elite. The problem was the people: a supervisor who didn’t respect work-life balance, and an overbearing coworker Launch slick emailsthe boy’s club that will always be Find your own. Being the only black employee there exhausted me in ways I couldn’t always mention. And talk to her A licensed professional who looks like me– Incense smoke in the air – Help me find my peace from 9 to 5.
I’m grateful for those therapy sessions a few years ago that kept me from failing at Brayden’s sales. But I never expected that they would make me a better manager once I had my own team to lead
My last job had its share of group drama when I arrived. Morale was rock bottom, but workplace problems seemed to weigh the most heavily on Gina, one of my direct reports. They were checked out like bell hooks books in the library. The ambitious energy she had when she started has turned into minimal effort — and a creative interpretation of the company’s “unlimited” vacation policy.
Version 1.0 of me may have remedied the situation through mirroring The coldness I feltEarly in my career, I would have those cold conversations, wondering if I “had what it takes to be successful in a place like this.” US companies can be aggressive, especially when deliveries regularly fall behind schedule and quotas are missed. But I felt an obligation to help my team shine, which meant taking advantage of the lessons I absorbed on the comfy black furnishings of my therapist.
I sat down with Gina in a 1:1 meeting to remind her that the company’s PTO policy is at the discretion of management. But then I became curious about her indifference. It turns out she said she slept on more than one Tempur-Pedic during it Promotion considerations. What’s worse is that before I arrived, she was thrust into a completely different role than the one she initially signed up for.
I told her I understood her frustration, for real. After all, I was once on the New Balances team when I was trying to climb the corporate ladder. I made a deal with her: If she stepped up her non-negotiables, I would give her a chance to prove herself as the point person on more challenging projects.
The results did not show themselves overnight. She had been burned before, so it took some time and patience to be completely convinced. But she accepted the handshake agreement and ran to him. Within a few weeks, she was meeting deadlines, contributing valuable ideas during brainstorming meetings, and even… Turn on her camera During Zoom calls. I gave her verbal flowers at her next performance review and got props from my manager, who was impressed by how she had become a better motivator than I was. Jeezy.
“The thing that people don’t discuss enough is the way therapy teaches you the art of real talk—that is, effective, empathic communication. You learn to actively listen, validate people’s feelings, and respond constructively. At first, it took a conscious effort, but eventually it became second nature.”
This doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a caricature of a kumbaya manager. Accountability remains important. I’ve developed a talent for giving (and receiving) harsh feedback. I understood how to make people feel seen. “The value of talking through personal challenges — even the unsolvable ones. And because my team was rocking it with me, they wanted to eliminate it to make us all look good, I guess. (Although in my moments of self-consciousness, I can only imagine what they’re saying to their therapists about me. It’s none of my business. Boundaries!)
I can trace much of my management gains back to my therapist’s office, a safe space where I was challenged to pause before responding, to see the bigger picture, and to organize before responding. So, no, I don’t recommend therapy just to survive toxic workplaces. I recommend it because it helps you build healthier bodies.
The Only Black Guy in the Office is published with Levelman.com.
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