The problem is faking it until you make it
By Henna Pryor | Published: 2025-11-01 18:00:00 | Source: Inc.com
“Her smile is not her smile.” This haunting phrase from sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild wasn’t written for burned-out CEOs, but it could have been. Years ago, I was a senior producer in a large sales organization, mentoring new employees by day and wrangling two young children at night. I was smiling on the outside and seething on the inside — the kind of skeletal fatigue that even the strongest coffee can’t cure.
What is surface representation?
This is what researchers call it Surface representation– Suppressing what you feel and simply faking what you have to show. In leadership, you probably treat this as part of your job description, but new research shows it’s the start of a vicious cycle.
Researchers from Journal of Organizational Behavior They tracked employees over 10 work days and discovered a clear pattern. When people start their day low on energy, they are more likely to rely on surface acting because deep acting—which truly reshapes your emotional response—requires an upfront investment. If you’re already exhausted, you can skip it. Relying on superficial acting drains energy even more the next morning. Therefore, you are more likely to fake it again. Hello, episode
When emotional labor becomes a habit
This cycle of emotional functioning is not new. Hochschild coined the term “emotional labor” in her groundbreaking book Managed heartdescribing how flight attendants and bill collectors were trained to organize what they showed and what they felt—not for the sake of communication, but for the sake of commerce.
She identified two types of emotional labor: Â
- Surface representation: Where you fake the desired feelings (“more beautiful than normal” or “nastier than normal”).
- Deep acting: Where you internally align with those feelings
Hochschild warned that superficial behavior leads to a dangerous disconnect, not only from others, but from yourself as well. “It’s not her smile,” she wrote of the hostess, a line that perfectly captures how modern leaders can lose themselves when emotional labor becomes chronic.
This vision relates directly to what my team does Minds are limitless Teaches as neutral thinking. When your mindset is reactive and has thoughts like “I just need to put on my face,” you are acting superficially. When you stop and engage with perspective and think, “I feel X. What am I choosing to show?”, you are deep acting.
Superficial acting may seem easier in the moment, but it becomes costly over time. research He links it to lower job satisfaction, poorer well-being, higher employee turnover, and more emotional exhaustion. Deep acting, on the other hand, aligns your internal state with your external display and leads to healthier results
What does this look like in real driving?
Rewind to that meeting I mentioned earlier. I wish I could say I caught myself red-handed, but really I didn’t. Like most leaders, I believed that keeping things together was the same as keeping things well. Â
“What if, instead of forcing a smile, I took a short break five minutes ago — if I stepped away, acknowledged my fatigue, and reminded myself of my team’s needs instead of just the message? What if I said, ‘Team, I’m going to be honest with you.’ I’m exhausted. I know this quarter has been tough, and it hurts. Let’s talk about it openly.” The shift — from surface acting to deep, mindset-based acting — changes everything
Warning signs you may be stuck in a superficial spiral
In the morning, you wake up already exhausted, dreading the day. You feel disconnected from your team, as if interactions are hollow. You struggle to manage your own feelings or the feelings of others, so you lash out or numb afterwards
Search from the National Library of Medicine Confirms the negative effects. Shallow acting undermines self-control later in the day, and people who act deeply drink less and engage in fewer negative behaviors. So how do you break free from the cycle? From my work in mindset and emerging research, here’s a quick five-step reset. Â
1. A small pause in the middle of the day
Take five minutes to disconnect from others, walk outside, breathe, and look at nature. Studies show that stealing five minutes of chaos and giving your brain a replenishes energy and reduces the need for superficial acting.
2. Reframe the moment.
Before your next interaction, ask yourself, “What is the truth about this?” What’s under the surface? Acknowledge it, then choose how to share. This is neutral thinking in action
3. Focus on low voltage recovery after work
Research from Journal of Organizational Behavior It shows that even simple relaxation — such as reading, music, or stretching — protects you from superficial fatigue the next day.
4. Share something real
You do not need a deep treatment session. Admit to your team or a trusted colleague, “I’m feeling a little stressed out today, so I might lean on you.” This simple act of openness relieves stress. More importantly, it reinforces what the research advocates Social muscle strength: Your ability to connect and recover faster through real human moments. In other words, when you share emotions instead of suppressing them, you build resilience that prevents you from acting on the surface tomorrow
5. Schedule the reset
Build on it tomorrow. “I’m going to arrive 10 minutes early. I’m going to focus myself. I’m going to review this question: How do I want to show up, instead of just showing? You might think, ‘I don’t have time for that!'” That’s exactly the problem. When you’re running on an empty surface, acting on the surface feels like the shortcut, but it’s actually the long way. It drains you, disconnects your team, and strips you of your opportunity to intentionally lead
Going back to neutral is a shift in mindset that says, “I’m just not going to act.” I will observe, respond and choose. When your inner state and outer expression finally align, you move from fake-smile survival mode to purposeful leadership mode.
Next time you’re in front of an empty room, skip the presentation. Pause and choose how it will appear. You may find that the most powerful thing you can offer is not a perfect smile, but a real smile.
The opinions expressed by Inc.com columnists here are their own, not those of Inc.com.
(Tags for translation) Communication (R) Leadership (R) Leadership Advice (R) Superficial Acting (R) Vulnerability (R) Workplace
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